Success: Is it your degree or when you start your family?

"I wish that someone had said to me when I was twenty years old that having a baby is an incredibly powerful experience, that if you have the slightest inkling that you might want to do it, you should pay attention to that inkling and factor in wanting to have a child and have a family as ardently as you're factoring in your professional trajectory, and no one said that to me. What happened was I spent most of my life trying not to have a baby and thinking that the time would be right and that having a baby was as easy as riding a bicycle, nothing I had to think too hard about, because I could just get pregnant at any point. I really wish someone had told me that. Instead I was told a lot of, "Develop yourself, cultivate yourself, travel, excel at your academic pursuits." Somehow the idea of developing yourself was separate from having a child. I've grown much more from having a child than going to Yale, for instance." Rebecca Walker, daughter of writer Alice Walker

One day in high school, my math teacher and the class were discussing our different views of success. He added that for some people, being successful is starting a family and for others, it is their academic and/or career achievements. Lately, I have been thinking about my personal view on success compared to what others my age "may" be thinking. Although I am proud of my friends who have decided to start a family in their early twenties, I sometimes feel a sense of hurt seeing their talent "wasted". Sonny from The Bronx Tale (my favorite movie) said, "There's nothing sadder than wasted talent" and I totally agree. However, like a good friend of mine pointed out, in addition to the above quote, sometimes people become better after having a baby or starting their family. For some reason, that never crossed my mind. I've been so wrapped up in my academic/career achievement model that the success of having a family at this day and age seemed crazy to me. However, as an educator, I see how young children can bring out the best in you. I now realize that all levels and ideas of success definitely count for something. The talent is never wasted, it is just directed to the important task of raising a strong, healthy child.

This post is dedicated to my friends and family members who are young, educated, and successful mothers.