Buddy for life?!

Once again, it's been a long time. Lots of blossoming going on over here! (I'll list my accomplishments later.)

The events in this post have been manipulated to hide the identity of the individual and incorporates additional stories that relate to the overall theme of the post.

Lately, I've been troubled by an ongoing "buddy" relationship. It all started with my regular, end of school year visit back home, where a long time "buddy" is also attend graduate school. This guy and I go way back, to my undergraduate days. We were never an together, but of course were together in other ways. Initial intentions when we met: I want to be with him. Fast forward to junior year- we were in a campus organization together and the boundary was set between us. We dated other people, etc. Fast forward to post-graduation where we continued our separate lives, keeping abreast of each other through mutual friends. We both had our own relationships, no biggie. Fast forward to, the last two years where we reconnected and caught up as "friends" with a continued physical attraction between us. He moved to my hometown to continue graduate school and we would "hang out", catch up, and ... yeah. This period became a time where we got reacquainted with each other, and I realized that I was just then really getting to know him. When I entered my graduate program on the east coast I accepted an internship position that allowed me to travel back home on an almost monthly basis. We continued getting to hanging out during these visits and of course, my feelings for him grew. Now, presently, our current arrangement has gotten old to me and I continuously question "What's next? Where is this going?"

Bringing this up to him wasn't an easy task since before, I just went along with the arrangement. I knew my intentions, but didn't know if his were the same as when we first met or had they changed. After an emotional conversation, I know that the pattern has to change but I'm not exactly sure of its direction. Our intentions seem the same on the surface, but we're disagreeing on the timing. I brought my dilemma to my inner circle, which includes some that are tired of hearing about this ongoing struggle and some who are new to it, to help me make some sense of these thoughts and feelings.

Bottom line: If my end goal was to be with him and that is not able to happen, move on! I didn't begin our relationship wanting to be friends. I want to be his mate. Not in three years, but now. I want to begin to build that relationship in the present. He says the future. Game over! Right? Easier said than done. However, if there is something that I want, which is to build a relationship with the guy that has the qualities that I appreciate and desire, then that is the direction that I need to go. This old "buddy" is not in that direction.

It's going to be hard, but I have to mentally separate myself from him. Moving on!

Telemarket Dating

A few weeks ago, I went for an interview to be a part-time telemarketer. It's something that I did a few times during college and I actually enjoyed it... plus, I needed to make some money moves. When I entered the office for my interview I was greeted by a very handsome young man, brown-skin, clean-cut, and bright smile. He introduced himself as E.E., explained that he'd be interviewing me and led me to a conference room. Following him, I could tell that he definitely worked out. I was already becoming uncomfortable and knew that I would have to pull it together so that I wouldn't embarrass myself. If I were a guy... I would've had a boner.

During the interview, I kept strong eye contact and steady language. Every now and then I found myself looking at him for too long and getting the school-girl giggles. This man was gorgeous! Beautiful Black man features! Deep brown almond eyes, strong jaw line, wide shoulders and thick arms, and luscious looking lips! As I left the office and got in my car, I felt a wild rush of giggles and excitement! I couldn't wait to find out if I got the job...

I did get the job!

Unfortunately, I had scheduling conflicts with the training and decided not to work it out. When E.E. there was an unsettling pause. Was he waiting for an explanation? A plea to reschedule? Or...my hopes... changing the professional acquaintance to a personal acquaintance?

The post-it with his phone numbers (cell, office) remains on my desk and I'm looking at it thinking, "Should I call him?"

What would you do???

Justify My Love

"Do you like to idea of him (accomplishments, belongings, credentials) or are you truly interested in the person that he is?"

My good friend's question from the college years still hunts me to this day. I think about it when I first meet someone until I can honestly answer the question. Recently, I had to fess up to the former. This person had great credentials and I was impressed by their goals and determination. However, outside of the conversations where he was talking about himself there was nothing there. No doubt, I don't mind hearing or seeing a guy's confidence. I even prefer that a guy be able to sell themselves to me. However, this exchange can't be one-sided. They too must not fall in love with my credentials:
23 year old college graduate pursuing a masters degree , full-time career, own place & car,with no kids,

but truly get to know me:
the fair-minded, sincere, CP-time running, trying to be in two places at once, dancing, drinking, teacher, researcher, goal-orientated, spiritual driven, emotional, affectionate, independent, princess, young lady that is comfortable with her sexuality.

The red flags in dating will not always be extreme (kids, drug habits, etc.), but do hold tight to the person that you are and take your time to truly get to know the person you're dating beyond their Wall Street credentials.

Faded Pictures

Can anyone else relate to this?

You see a guy or girl and they make your heart skip a beat. You get giddy, excited and get butterflies in your belly at the thought of even approaching him. You haven't even got the nerve to approach them yet. Weeks go by and you see him again. More weeks and there's another spotting. Same reaction and even now your neck is straining as you try to just see him a little longer. You don't know what it is... he's like honey and you're a bee that has to be all up in it!

I think I'll continue to enjoy this feeling until it's unbearable...

Or how about a past lover...?

Whenever you see him/her or even a picture of him/her, your mind drifts away to bedtime moments that have been locked away and pushed to the back of your mind. And the phrase, "damn they sure knew how to [insert sexual skill here]" escapes from your lips.

I think this is the definition of missing someone or something...

I'm Just Not Into You...Right Now.

Okay, we've heard the book and the phrase before, but really... how do you tell someone this? Especially, after kind of leading them on for a while. I must admit, I'm horrible at letting people know things without beating around the bush, or ignoring and not returning phone calls. With this someone, I was into them for a quick moment. However, now I'm not seeing them in my current or future plans. Help, please!

Update: A good friend of mine suggested to one, be open and honest and two, begin Operation Opposite. With this, I do everything in the opposite manner. Thus, when they call instead of pick-up I ignore the call. Already, I was tricked tonight because I deleted a number and when Mr. Man called... I didn't recognize the number with the name. This is going to be hard!

I Put a Spell On You

I'm beginning to believe that my ex-boyfriend cursed me. Okay, maybe he didn't. I have to blame things on someone. On a recent date with someone I've been seeing on and off for a year now, we were discussing our....duh duh duuuuuh...future. This conversation was not that surprising coming from him because it often comes up. As I began to discuss what I was looking for and how he was lacking it he reminded me, "You see. I told you that you were strict!" The conversation continued to revolve around my strict nature and impossible expectations. This dude made it sound like I was wearing an ironclad chastity belt!

I don't consider myself strict at all. I'm just old school in some areas. I demand respect, attention, and consideration. Simple.

Thinking back to my past relationship, which was quite ideal for the time, I was quite comfortable and was able to let my guard down...LOVE. Once you suffer heart break, no matter how timely it is in your life, it's hard to bounce back with the same trust and openness. At least that's what I'm finding. I'm imagining my past months of dating: what if I was open and jumped in not thinking about the possibility of getting hurt again? It's easier said than done. But like my last relationship, if I am able to say that I had a good time after it's over and done (which I did!), that's all that matters.

Try it! I will...

Ring the alarm!

Those who know me, know that I have key pieces of jewelry that I wear daily: my necklace with three important charms (tiara, treble clef, and clarinet), my silver hoop earings, and my rings. Each piece of jewelry is sentimental in some way, especially my rings. One ring was a gift from my favorite uncle worn on the right ring finger, another was an awesome ring from Disney World worn on the right index finger, and the last was a present for myself after the first semester of my freshman year (I did well!) worn on the left ring finger. Although they were not fancy, the one on the left had been mistaken for a wedding ring in the past.

I am a key believer that everything happens for a reason and if you want things to happen you have to speak it into existence and act as if you already have it or that is on its way. I thought about this one day while looking at the ring on my ring fingers. At the time, I was in a great relationship with someone I believed I could marry. But when I looked down at my ring finger, I could not imagine that finger bare or with another ring being there. I was not ready.

After that relationship, I was hesitant to date in my new city. But, NYC treated me well. I have met so many gentleman that have treated me like a princess! Most notably, was the rebound guy. It took me a while to accept his purpose as we decided to step back and become friends, but I now understand. I am now in the beginning stages with someone who makes me loose my breath whenever I see and hear them, and sees my inner and outer beauty as clear as day.

I am now single and dating and it has been two weeks without a single ring on my hands!

I feel on top of my game in most facets of my life. My heart is shinning bright and so is my smile. In my mind and heart, I see what I want out of a relationship. I am ready to use my past lessons to take my current relationship to new heights, if that is in God's plan. I am ready for LOVE!

The Kissing Game

The other day I was catching up with an old friend and some how we got on the topic of firsts kisses. You've met the cutie and you are now flirting with the thought of kissing those tempting lips. Is it too early? Do you ask? Or do you just go in for the kill? I explained, "Although it's a nice gesture, it kills the mood if you ask." I continued by explaining that sometimes people are so afraid of rejection that they inadvertently provide the opportunity to be rejected. Meaning, when you ask you give someone the opportunity to say yes or no along with a reason. If you just do it, you still run the risk of rejection but you still accomplished your goal. This is a lesson I learned about a year ago (Thank God!). This article provides more information on Creating Tension for a Great Kiss.

Enjoy!